Wood, (many curse words), Wood

I was outside early, early this morning pounding away at splitting wood.  Oh my, such a big job it is, but as mentioned good exercise.

I picked up a piece of wood and to me, if felt odd.  It was heavy and had many a knot to it.  I thought to myself, not to split but throw it to the pile of pit wood.  Pit wood is wood we reject and burn later at the fire pit.  I decided to go ahead to split it.  Holy smucksville - the splitter blade hit the knot in the wood and backfired - came shooting right off next to my head.  I ducked out of the way and let go of the lever controls, that automatically shuts down the splitter.  I had to take a break after that spell.  I was going to go wake up Noisemaker but it was 6:30 in the morning, I figured he did not need to be awakened by some lulu explaining a piece of wood backfired and near took my head off. 

I got myself together and thought well, I will try another one.  It worked fine.  For the love of god, I pick up another piece to split and it backfired on me.  The splitter makes an odd noise when that happens, I think it woke up Noisemaker.  He came outside and asks me, is there something wrong with the splitter?  I replied, yes - it is trying to kill me - but you get your coffee and I'll go on to something else; I'll explain it all later.

I saved the pieces of knotted wood to show to Noisemaker.  He sets me straight.  Explains to me, I must go over from the knot and then the wood should not missile on me.  I finished up my splitting but left four big pieces for Noisemaker to do.  I told him - those pieces are not getting along with me, I cannot deal with them - can't you take them back, do a return?

Noisemaker, could not help but laughed and so did I.  ah, the joys of living on the mountain side and doing wood - glorious, glorious, wood.